Shiseido Mattifying Moisturizer
Tony Moly Silky Smooth Balm
Urban Decay Naked Foundation in 3.5
Revlon ColorStay in Brighter
NARS Blush in Sin
Fyrinnae Oil Control Finishing Powder
NYX Stay Matte Finishing Spray
Wet n Wild Color Icon in Dark Brown
NYX Brow Cake in Brunette
Urban Decay Primer Potion in Original
Urban Decay Naked 3 in Limit, Nooner, Blackheart
Urban Decay Lush Lash Mascara
Tokyo Milk Lip Elixir in Absinthe
Happy 4 months, blog! Hard to believe a third of the timeline is already knocked out.
I've learned a lot about myself while doing this project. For one, this is the first thing in years that has given me a strong dose of passion. The idea, the vision, whatever you want to call it, moved me so deeply that I became obsessed. I could see it so clearly. Here's how it happened (from loose memory):
Sometime in mid/late January, Toussaint and I were chillin' at my place, probably watching something on Netflix. Out of nowhere, the idea for this blog came hurtling into my brain space at lightning speed, in 3D and color. I shot out of bed and probably audibly gasped. I looked at him and said, "I want to start a makeup blog. I want it to be simple, minimal, and no bullshit. It won't be terribly written or overcrowded like most (makeup) blogs. It will be a series of self portraits documenting a day's look over the course of one year, and it will be called 365 days of makeup." (I'm paraphrasing myself because I can't remember the exact goddamn words, okay?)
The next day, I began researching. What platform would I use? Was my DSLR in good shape? Was there anything already out there similar to this? Between asking friends, researching and ordering camera equipment, and feverishly poring through makeup blogs/Tumblrs/Instagrams to make sure I knew what I was doing (by researching what not to do), I honed my vision pretty quickly. Within a week I was signed up with Squarespace, got my domain, and had a tripod on the way. In the interim, I fiddled with the template and code to make sure I had everything right. I wanted to hit the ground running, with little to no obstacles at first. With the help of friends and colleagues who helped me write some copy and tweak the code, the platform stood waiting for me.
All I had to do was snap the first photo.
This blog is the first thing that has made me feel truly alive in a long time. My intent isn't to come off desperately dramatic, but it's the real fucking truth. I felt dead and uninspired all throughout school, where the projects and creativity you endure are on the backs of assignments and at the mercy of an instructor. You are constantly validated and invalidated by peers and faculty. People judge and control your ability to move forward in the game.
Then you graduate. You've slaved your ass off for fiveish years for a piece of paper, for a series of people whom you've never even met to say "yep, she's certified." The career preparation, practice interviews, and congratulatory sentiments shared with you have in no way prepared you for the harsh and daunting nature of being a post graduate: that you will (more than likely) question everything you've done in the last five years.
I doubted myself. Hard. I felt elated upon finishing college, but conflicted as time went on. I've gotten through a lot of doors with my education, but I couldn't see the bigger value of my degree at the time. In the nine months after graduation, I experienced a lot of darkness and confusion as I struggled to gain a foot and hustle for the experience in a workforce I wasn't sure was actually appropriate for me. Design intimidated me. I did not want to be a designer. Then what the fuck was this degree for in the first place? I dealt with a lot of anger.
Over the course of time, I realized that this path, too, cannot be linear. Just because you have a degree in A does not mean you will work in field A or be archetype A. I consider myself a wise and savvy individual, but I was naive in my thinking that A + B = C. Maybe it works that way for some people, but not for me.
Why am I telling this long ass story, anyway? There's a point. Remember how I said waaaaay earlier that this project is the first thing that has given me genuine passion in a long time? Not only has that passion been an anchor for me, but it's also shown me that what I'm doing with this project is what I want to do with my life. If you had asked me even a year ago if I wanted to be a makeup artist, I would have said hell no.
But I finally understand the phrase spoken all too often: do what you love. Follow your passion. Chase your bliss. However you phrase it, the true meaning can't be really understood until your passion reveals itself to you in the most crystal clear manner. Suddenly, doing so seems like the easiest thing. The hard work and drive you put into building it up for yourself have more meaning than the blood and tears you put into anything else in the past.
So you hustle and make moves to get where you need to be once you understand your goal. This blog has revealed many things to me: character traits, personal nuances/demons/goals, and ultimately: a desire to turn passion into practice.