Shiseido Mattifying Moisturizer
Tony Moly Silky Smooth Balm
Becca Resurfacing Primer
Urban Decay Naked Foundation in 3.5
Revlon ColorStay in Brighter
NYX Blush in Pinched
Tarte Smooth Operator Amazonian Clay Finishing Powder
NYX Stay Matte Finishing Spray
Wet n Wild Color Icon in Dark Brown
Anastasia Tinted Brow Gel in Chocolate
MAC Eyeshadow in Mulch
Urban Decay Primer Potion in Original
Geek Chic Cosmetics Eyeshadow in The Trickster
Makeup Geek Loose Pigment in Bewitched
Urban Decay Lush Lash Mascara
Revlon ColorBurst Matte Balm in Sultry
I have to confess something: this post, and yesterday's (black smokey eye) were posted out of order, intentionally, because I was feeling self conscious about my face. I did not want to post what you're seeing now.
Since I post a day behind, the entry I made yesterday (Saturday) was actually what I should have posted on Friday, but I worked late at the restaurant Friday evening and did not have an opportunity to post that particular night (Thursday's look, which is what you see here).
So, why did I break pattern?
Well, here's some back story. Yesterday (Saturday) took a crazy turn of events. I don't know how public I can be yet about this sweet makeup thing I did, so all I'm going to say out of caution is that I was asked at a very last minute's notice if I would substitute for a makeup artist on set for a fashion spread set to appear in next month's issue of a poppin' Twin Cities magazine.
I said yes. I had 90 minutes to shower, pick up the original MUA's hair/makeup kit, and haul ass to set.
I had an absolute blast working with the five models and small crew for this production. It was my first foray into the world of makeup artistry, and it was both terrifying and natural. I felt I was where I needed to be, but I was nervous as hell. But, I killed it (not to toot my own horn).
ANYWAY, the reason I say all this is because I was surrounded by models and beauty and fashion and all that shit, it was subconsciously influencing my own thoughts about myself and my own beauty well after I left the set. I had some time to kill before the rest of Saturday's plans, and I used the time to crank out the blog post (smokey eye, even though it should have been the look you see right now...are you confused yet?).
So, as stated above, the chronological order posted yesterday would have been this look, with me in the pink shirt. However, once I started scrolling through Thursday's photos (which is always weird, because I'm essentially judging myself each day), I was disgusted by what I saw: my skin was fucked up (thanks, lingering rash), my eyebrows looked stupid, my bone structure was all wrong, etc...I was looking at myself objectively instead of subjectively. Well, rather- the level of objectivity outweighed the subjectivity in this case. Why? Because I was haunted by visages of the young, chiseled faces I worked on earlier in the day, and the residual effect left me feeling super judgy mcjudgerson about myself.
Disgusted, I looked in Friday's folder (smokey eye look), to post those instead, essentially in a mindset of wiping out a day because I was embarrassed about my face. I thought I looked way more attractive in the smokey eye photos, and I put those up in lieu of pink shirt day because I thought the caliber of Friday's photos were more up to par with my attitude, however warped and temporary it was.
It's amazing to me how the thoughts about myself have changed in just 24 hours. I knew I couldn't bear to just abandon a day's look due to my own skewed perception. When I revisited Thursday's folder this evening to pick the photos, I felt so differently about myself: I loved the way my hair was pulled back, my eyes looked soft, and I totes look like my mom in these pictures (hi, mom!). Admittedly, I wanted to post yesterday's (Saturday) photos because they are really kick ass (plus you'll see how I was absolutely influenced by the fashion shoot I did earlier...jeez, it's reach is everywhere), BUT- this blog is not about selling myself short and understanding that there is no one-size-fits-all look. and that my look and my face are dope even when I don't think they are dope.
There are days when it has been really hard to post, because we all have days where we don't feel good about our looks or confident in how we've made ourselves up (including clothing, hair, accessories, emotions, and attitude- NOT just cosmetics), and we leave the house in a grimace like OMG NOBODY LOOK AT ME PLZ. But that's one of the most rewarding bits of this project: forcing myself to face myself and remain confident in my own aesthetic day in and day out.
Thanks for reading. That was pretty emotional. If you made it to the bottom, here's something to lighten your mood back up a notch.